She doesn't need this now.

She needs tables, chairs, a couch, cups, plates, napkins.

But she doesn't need to be insulted.
She needs a garbage can, dish towels, bath towels, a scratching post for her cat.

But she doesn't need to feel overwhelmed and stressed.
She needs a job, she needs to work, she needs to achieve.

But she doesn't need hand-outs.
She needs love from the people close to her.

She needs to help, to be fair to those around her and to be treated fairly in return.
Please be fair.

Winter, winter winter

Yesterday was busy.

I had a hemmoraging gas return line on my jeep fixed, I got my honda started, and stabilized the gas for winter, I finally washed a load of laundry (how many times can you wash one pair of boxers by hand?) Drummed for an hour.

I made $30. or so at work, upset Lisa for the first time, and discovered the joys of dark import beer.

Winter is here, and as person who rides a bike or has a topless jeep out for as long as possible, this is not my natural habitat.

And yes, I upset Lisa for the first time.

She was having trouble with someone at work, and as she spoke of her frustration, looking to me for empathy, and all I could do is smile at her. I realized that her-dead-on stare has that effect on me, and it took me a minute to realize it. She thought I was giving her the "Oh, you're so cute when your angry," condescending pat on the head. Well, she still is cute when she's angry, but you get the point.

I actually hope that effect lasts a long time.

The dark beer came from the every other week Michigan Times putting-the-paper-to-bed celebration at The Torch. Newcastle apparently works a lot better at getting me buzzed.

At the table, Lisa came up. I don't know how. But I ended up showing pictures of her on my phone. "She's beautifle," said Alea Orr, a rockstar staff writer. So my editorial friends at the 'Times understands the situation I'm in. "I respect you so much more than i did a minute ago," said Alea.

She's talking about my not leaving Lisa because she's pregnant. I told Alea it wasn't really a choice. I didn't even think about it or process a decision.

I'm not trapped, or cornered, I haven't been removed from any freedom, Lisa is an honest and really cool chick, if I can be so base.

When I look at Lisa, I smile and think, "Nope, can't go anywhere."

I wouldn't choose to have not started the relationship because of this, and I wouldn't change anything she wouldn't want changed.

I maintain that her biggest drawback is that she likes country music.

pictured above is my Step Brother Andy and his friend Logan at Silver Lake in Mears Michigan, August 08.

motorcycle-sicle

This freaking snow needs to go away at some point soon.

My motocycle is covered in snow, the ignition doesn't want to turn, the choke cable is stuck, and I have to at least get it started to stabilize the gas so I don't get to pay $200. to have the carburator cleaned and re-assembled.

I have a garage to store it, but riding on ice is stupid, even for me.

Can someone thaw out my bike so I can move it?

Oh, this is my step dad's harley, I have an old honda.

excalibre

The front of the camera is labeled "DeJong,"
The strobe is labeled "Jessmore."

I'm working with the equipment of masters, the brilliant photogs of the 'Journal before all the buyouts. If I can't get the shot with this equipment, then I can't get it.

So excalibre is a cheesy title, but I think anything that can show a reality to educate someone is a tool, a weapon depending on how you look at it. A pen, and sometimes a camera, is mightier than the sword, and what a sword to have.


Nikon d2h

f2.8 17-33 mm lens with Speedlight strobe

fixed 135mm f2. lens

I have no picture and the internet is broken and won't let me see google images.

accomplishing something is better than caffeine...

I felt like crap today.

No special reason, or maybe it was snow blowing sideways outside the Flint journal building. Either way, I felt wrong, really wrong.

Lot's of people have to make themesleves do what they need to do during the day.
At least when I'm not happy the worst I'm driven to do is to get some caffeine.

Well I resisted the dark urges to buy a coke, but called my sister before I went into the store to let someone else in on my gloom. That was at about 10:30.

My assignment was to do something I've done about a dozen times for my past internship: take a portrait shot of a business. Easy. Now was a good time for a nosebleed to set in, a sure sign that, you guessed it, my nose is dry. Not cocaine.

The couple that ran the resale shop were very nice, and the assignment went well. The poor people tried to act and look casual as I shot about 120 frames over/through/ around clothing racks as they chatted to me, to eachother.

They tolerated me for almost forty minutes, that last thing I did was move to the other room featuring baby clothing. The the owner and his fiance' taled to me from the hall. She had her hands on a rack, and he wa standing in the middle of an orb of light. I saw my opportunity and got about 20 frames before they moved, and ended up with the shot that I'll have to put up here tomorrow.

It's a cool feeling to know you have the shot you need. I don't like leaving without a sure home-run.

I got some more cutline information form them, and left, knowing I had done a good job. My mood was gone. I had to accomplish something to remind myself to chill the f*ck out and try to enjoy everything I can.

The second assignment went great as well. Believe it or not, interesting things do happen at senior centers. Should I ever get the opportunity to cover a humanitarian crisis, I'll be flooded with drama.

I knew I was successful after the second asignment, shooting a group of seniors making wood carvings. It was fun, they were good guys, and loved the attention.

I called my friend afterwards, and we chatted on the way back to the Flint Journal.

Sometimes you're having a really good day, but you have to ignore yourself to realize it.

By the way, the shot above is done in a technique called "Layering" and Bruce Edwards hates it. well maybe not hate...I just have to put a photo up each time.

the redhead on the couch

Her name is Lisa.

When she stays late, she sleeps on the couch, and I on the floor.

When my sister woke up the next day, and saw that she had spent the night, she simply rubbed her eyes sleepily, and said, "We need a house," followed by, "Good morning, Lisa."
This is why my sister is so awesome- she has been completely supportive of the relationship, and relatively free with her brother /sister time. She gives us space.

I should introduce Lisa, and the plot twist that makes this relationship unique.

We were only dating two weeks when she told me she found out she was about eight weeks pregnant. She told me as soon as she knew. She happened to take birth control pills that only give her a cycle every four months.

It was October 30th. It was this week that she decided to keep it. Then she asked what I was going to do. I said I wasn't leaving, but my stomach is f*cking going nuts.

"So if it's that 'fight or flight' response, and you're not 'flying,' does that mean you're going to fight me?" she asked, smiling.

Document, actually.
I joke that only in seven months would we have dated when she isn't pregnant. Don't think I'm overlooking the thing that comes after being pregnant.

She'll probably fight me on this, but I want to document this whole thing. Look for a blog about her and our experience with this preganancy. I want to do video, audio, and a general timeline of the physical changes she goes through.

Maybe it's the only way I can wrap my head around all of this. Turn it into a project.

exercise and deadlines

To get better at something, you exercise it.
"If you don't use it, you loose it," is what we've always heard.

If consider all the skills I need to develop to be a success, and I dedicated all the time I needed to be good enough to be successful, I would be up all hours of the night until Christmas on just one skill.

I need to drum, I need to be a photo journalist, I need to write stories, fiction and non fiction, I need to lean news convergence, I need to learn at least one more language, I need to practice my stickfighting, and it wouldn't hurt to exercise getting more $. Oh yes, and actual EXERCISE would be nice too. Did I mention i have to f'ing graduate too? A small detail I can overlook.

Is this why adults say "I don't have time for X?"
I don't even have kids.

This is when deadlines come in. In truth, two skills haven't been neglected. Writing and photography. Working and taking pictures for at least two papers has kept me doing both, all the time, and surprise, I'm getting better at both.

The most important thing to me personally and professionally is my band, and more specifically, finding a guitar player for my band.

Recently it has been proposed we set a deadline, do-or-die time for completing our band.
It's hard to describe the feeling I got when when the "end" is discussed. This has been my dream and passion since I was 18. And this is my only shot.

I have to admit, if I were to grade the effort that has gone into a serious search, i'd give myself a 'D-and the band a C- for effort.

Grudgingly, maybe a deadline is what I need. I have two hundred business cards, 40 large flyers and plan to print 600 small flyers, to be distributed monday and tuesday next week.

Grades and deadlines spur me to action, and goddammnit, life is too short to f*ck around on an xbox, or to do what you hate for that matter. I suppose death is a pretty solid deadline.

I resolve to operate 'as if' there is a deadline. I get way too much sleep anyways.

writing from a rickety raft

Where did I get this?

How many people feel like they're being tossed about, life changing around them with little feeling of control?

Lots, I would volunteer, including me.

There's a Cloud Cult song lyric that goes:

"I've sailed through hurricanes with a wooden plank and a smiley face."

That sums it up. My life changes drastically so quickly, and it seemes to get better, and better. One month a go, most of my efforts were concentrated in an area that I rarely think about now.

One year ago I was living with my partner on the east side of Flint. Three weeks ago I was pursuing someone who felt nothing for me. Now I'm seeing someone who I really, really like, and we have fun together.

Recently my Dad offered to buy my sister and I a house we can rent from him to get me off the couch and my sister and I out of our apartment. Imagine in four months sleeping on a couch will be a memory, as my band moves our practice space to wherever we're living.

My friend who I care about dearly is ten weeks pregnant, and has decided to keep her child. This friend also happens to be the person I've been dating for three weeks. She doesn't like the guy who's going to have to sign the birth certificate. You can only guess what thoughts going through my mind. Interestingly, none of them say "Run. Away. Now." Even more interesting are the thoughts that whisper, "This could be fun..."

I live day to day for the dream that I'll be a working musician, while I work in a vocation that is getting slimmer and slimmer.

So, there is no strong foundation, this is no ocean liner, this is a wooden plank, but I still have a smiley face.

A nearly failed first asignment (a study in murpy's law)

I did a good job setting it up at least.

I was sitting at the intern desk my editor at the Flint Journal had set for me, trying to be busy while I waited to get my hands on some new equipment. The writer for the Burton News of the community papers was doing an on-phone interview at the desk net to me with a hunter who was lost for twelve hours in a remote location that I can't remember. He survived by stuffing ferns in his coat.

As the new photo intern for the Community news, I was sitting there listening to the reporter set up a time to pick up photos from a recent hunting trip to be scanned and used for the article, to be run Sunday.

Enterprising reporter I am, I volunteer to take pictures for the article. I set up the time with the subject, Elmer Kuehn, who lives in Burton. I would meet him at 5:45 on Tuesday the 11th.

I made some mistakes right away.

1. I, a person with poor nightvision scheduled the appointment at a place I wasn't familiar with when it would be dark out.

2. I lost the notebook with the directions, a phone number, and all background information, not to mention cutline info for another story. I didn't realize this until I left for the appointment.

3. I get everywhere late, all the time. I didn't give myself time to possibly get lost, which I do all the time when steps one and two have already occured.

4. I didn't trust the writer that told me how to get there. I remembered the basic directions, passed the street the first time and thought she had told me the wrong way. She definitly hadn't.

5. I trusted equipment I didn't know. The strobe they gave me worked fine literally right before I left for the appointment. Apparently this strobe prefers not the company of hunters. In a low light situation, I had no flash.

I almost gave up when I gave driving the right way one last chance, and surpise- i simply missed the street. I also parked infront of the wrong house.

All in all, I think my first assignment went well. The people were incredibly gracious, kind, and enjoyed the shoot. Allison Kuehn offered me cooked elk, which I politely declined because of the ethics thing. That's what they call it at the 'Journal- "The ethics thing."

Because of the equipment failure, Elmer said I could come back wednesday if I needed to.

So, I learned to keep notes handy, leave extra time, and maybe not to drain the batteries of my strobe playing with it needlessly because of how fast it works.

Seen above is Kuehn sitting with a 6x6 elk rack from a recent trip to colorado, that he brought down with a 7mm rifle.

In the backgroung are nephew Craig Alexander [sitting], and spouse Allie Kuehn. When asked about the deer baiting ban, Elmer Kuehn said, "I think it's good. They [deer] need to eat on their own."